Ryan 
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Dear Ryan,
Every so often, we act in ways that are inexplicable. One case of this behavior was exhibited by my roommate the other day. We were on the hunt for housing for next year, working with a realtor to find an apartment that both fit our price range and was in a good location. Our realtor, Karlene, was very taken with my roommate, and he found himself taken with her in no time. Karlene first praised my roommate’s preparedness; he’d arrived on time with lots of questions, whereas I’d arrived late. Karlene walked us through three apartments, each more luxurious than the last. It was evident that she was an excellent realtor. At the end of our tour, Karlene pounced on the opportunity to compliment my roommate’s eyes. “They’re so green!” she said with a longing smile. It’s worth noting that my roommate’s eyes are brown, not green. I bid Karlene goodbye as well, not thinking much of her compliment. Little did I know that our realtor’s goodbye had stuck in my roommate’s mind.
The week went on, as weeks typically do; I resumed my classes and other activities. Meanwhile, Karlene and my roommate were texting one another. During this time, Karlene indicated to my roommate that she wished he’d sign the lease, which he did immediately without my input. I was now in a position where I had to sign the lease or risk losing housing. Ryan, am I right to be upset about this, or am I getting in the way of a great relationship?
Sincerely,
Misled
Dear Misled,
From my experience in the game of life, I’ve deduced that there exists certain rock-solid, high-grade truths. Of these truths, none are more prominent than the power of a flirty real estate agent. Despite how she may appear externally, it’s quite likely she is actually a corporate alien dropped into the streets with a singular mission: sell apartments to impressionable college students. Karlene’s mind can be compared to a diamond, cold and brilliant and impervious and irresistible.
In the interest of practicing good empathy, we must first consider the situation from your roommate’s POV1. Let us paint a picture: he’s an idealistic young man, a little nervous about finding housing for the upcoming academic year, and suddenly he’s struck by the charming Karlene. He goes through these tours, she tells him what he wants to hear, and by the end he’s left stunned and feeling obligated to do right by this endearing-color-blind-professional and somewhat intimidating realtor. Played like a fiddle, strung along a fine line, given a S-tier performance. I invite you to think of a snake charmer and his snake, with eye-related compliments playing the part of the flute2. All things considered, your roommate really had no say in signing the lease (consider him a victim of tragic circumstance). The signing was less of a decision and more of a polite but emphatic demand from this wily agent. Pardon the vulgar language, but it seems to me that she had balls of unrejectable steel where naive students are concerned.
Going forward, try to engage in an honest dialogue with your roommate. Deep down I’m sure he feels a sense of regret, and you feel betrayed, but it’s critical to recognize the Common Enemy in the situation. Although you’re correct to feel upset, direct your negative energies towards the predatory UIUC housing machine that takes easily persuadable students and turns them into money-making grist. If nothing else, this could be a leaping off point for Phase Two in your inter-roommate relations. Adversity is inevitable in the rocky path of friendship, and I truly believe this can be turned into a bonding experience.
I leave you with a relevant nugget of wisdom from the CRBC’s3 seminal work Little Woman:
“Never get tired of trying, and never think it’s impossible to conquer your fault”
Wishing you prosperity,
– Ryan Scaryfield
A review of the DePaul Art Museum