Geese Grief | Dear Kayla

Kayla will be filling in for Ryan this week in alignment with a recent Chambana Report Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion initiative.

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Dear Kayla,

I have a song stuck in my head. Earlier this week I overheard a Geese song as I was on my morning walk. I would never intentionally listen to Geese, as I think they’re rather derivative; however, derivative or not, the song has become stuck in my head.

Since hearing the song, I’ve probably heard it a few thousand times in my head. Understandably, I haven’t gotten any work done since hearing it. The worst part of this whole ordeal is that I can’t remember the song’s melody or its lyrics or what the song sounds like or even its name.

I’ve been pretty proactive about trying to get rid of the song. One thing I’ve tried is getting someone to scare me. I thought that maybe if I was scared, I might forget about the song altogether. Unfortunately, there’s not much scarier than having to listen to a Geese song on repeat, so that strategy didn’t work at all. Another thing I tried was drinking a glass of cold water. Though the water hydrated me, it didn’t get rid of the Geese. I’ve also tried to listen to other music, but at this point it all sounds like Geese.

Listen, Kayla, no one should have to listen to Geese all the time, least of all me. I’d really appreciate your help here.

Sincerely,
Geesed

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Dear Geesed,

First off, I would like to thank you for this important letter. It takes real guts to admit that you heard a Geese song, even if it was accidentally. I am no stranger to getting media stuck in my head, so you’ve come to the right place.

Let me tell you a story. When my roommates first moved in, one of them brought her cats from home. Now these cats are not exactly the laid back type. In fact they are quite skittish. I tend to be a fairly loud person, and every now and again I yell. The first time I yelled while Panda Bear was on my lap… well, I’ve never seen a cat move so quickly. That jump, that shock to your system, is what your noggin needs to get those god forsaken Geese out.

Scream! Scream louder! SCREAM LOUDER!!!! I DONT CARE IF YOUR ROOMMATES CAN HEAR YOU. SCREAM LOUDER!!!!!

With hope that Taylor Sw*ft gets stuck next,
– Kayla

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